* Lilac’s knees and shins burned in agony on the stone floor as she woke, groaning to find herself still in the world and not heaven, which seemed her only refuge now. She had stayed at her prayers past Matins and far into the night to keep herself from despair or her lord’s bed. Nay, they were one and the same. Prayer did not serve. Mother Genevieve allowed such asceticism not, calling it only self love in guise, and as ever she proved in the right. Lilac needed such guidance now, but could not face the abbess who had reared her as tenderly as any true mother. She felt confounded in a web of chaos and sin, one wrong besetting another upon her. Lust led to carnal actions, carnal actions showed she kept not to her duty as she had struggled to do since arriving, defying the order of the world yielded only despair, and pride kept her from penitence and its comfort. Just as well Lent would soon be upon the world, all her joy had vanished. She had thought herself lusting on Lord. Now I was horny and desperately wanted a wank to relieve the tension. But there was no way I was going to do it in a shared bed. Or go to the bathroom... too obvious.Even though I'd basically shot him down, I guess my reply was a little bit of an opening... if I'd just said something negative, maybe it would have ended there. But I'd told him I had a similar fantasy. In a little while I felt Keith's fingertips, just faintly, touching my back. I said nothing and didn't move away. Felt his hand moving down and touching my ass. Again, I didn't stop him. This was the final tacit invitation. And an admission to myself that we were probably about to explore something. His hand cupped my butt-cheek and I felt him moving closer. I'd never fantasized about getting fucked and didn't want to give him the impression I'd be into that... so I rolled over onto my other side. Now we were close. In the middle of the big bed, facing each other in the dark. I felt Keith's hand touching my erection.
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